Pulverizing boulders

These passages in life. They are usually impossible to understand while you are still in them. After some time and distance, you can look back at certain periods, months, weeks or whatever and see patterns. Things become obvious. Things become mentally feasible.

(My girlfriend is going out tonight and it annoys me that I can't be with her. I'm not jealous, I'm sad.)

It's impossible to determine the length of this passage. It is just something that ends whenever it ends. I can't predict when. I can't influence its outcome. I can only try to live with it. I do see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I can't say how far or close I am from it.

(This party she is going to is said to be the perfect place to find someone to hook up with, to get laid and where the liberal youth of Austria arrange their parties.)

What I want is some degree of optimistic energy. What I'm looking for is a way back to harmony. What I see is a person who is listening to echoes from the past.

(She will be drunk tonight, and she will have to walk on her own from the party, all the way back to the dorm. I wish I could make her company and hold her hand.)

I've been trying to get my body back in motion after one month of complete apathy and constant resting. I took a walk two days ago, I took a walk yesterday, I took a walk today. My feet are already fucked up with blisters. It's moving in the right direction at least. I can't describe how much I miss the gym.

(I miss her.)

I have been told that it is not always a bad thing to keep old thoughts in your head. The more you think about something, the easier it will eventually be to process it. I am trying to pulverize the heavy boulders that are blocking my way at the moment. They need to disappear so that I can move on with my life. I am looking at the past and I am looking to the future. I want to have both in this moment, and I will.

(I love her.)