Thursday, December 31, 2009

2009, the epitaph

Exit: Anno 2009
Enter: Anno 2010

It's difficult to fall asleep. It's time to start a new year with the ambition to make it the very best ever. I've just experienced the toughest year in my life, now it's time to put it behind me and move on. There are many good things that I take with me in to the new year, and it feels good!



Happy New Year.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Christmas Day (or maybe Christmas Night)


Christmas day 2009 is already here. This date represents a lot of partying to me, because the Christmas day parties are known to be crowded, wild and eagerly anticipated. This year I feel no urge whatsoever to attend the different night clubs downtown for the annual "homecoming" party. Last year I was in no physical or
mental condition to go out, but this year I still don't want to despite being healthy. Nothing is tempting me to do it anymore. I'm not really keen on seeing the people that occupy the scene(s) in this city, it feels like a massive waste of time. It would be nice to catch up with a couple of old friends, but it would not be a good idea to do it tonight.

The days are beautiful and the snow is covering most of the things I can see. It feels like winter and Christmas. The sun peeks occasionally, and the sky looks more blue than ever. One thing I appreciate enormously with Austria is that the Christmas decorations and marketing campaigns begin IN TIME and not three months ahead. You don't hear Christmas carols in October, you don't see Christmas trees in November and you are not heaped by the whole concept of Christmas until its rightful time!


So, it's Christmas day and I have to admit that it is lame - nothing is really happening over here. It's OK. I can't really say that I'm bothered about it. It's been a tough year and I appreciate the peace I am experiencing right now. It doesn't have to be flashy and glamorous, as long as it is genuine and real.




Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Merry Christmas

It's one day left till Christmas eve and the snow has covered the surroundings just as it should this time of the year. It's beautiful and it is original.

The past few weeks have been hectic and I have experienced many nice things. Not long ago I attended "Broker's Festival", a party organized by (from what I have been told) a conservative (and pretty right oriented...) youth organization in Austria - Austro Danubia.


This party was unique. The prices in the bars were adjusted after the supply and demand. Several projectors were constantly showing graphs and prices throughout the whole evening. It was a very interesting experience and I had the luck to attend the party with good company!




This party was arranged the last weekend before the Christmas holidays. A lot of people went on a ski trip the next morning and after that it was pretty much time for departure for most of us. We had one more "Stammtisch", the Asian one, and the night after that we all went out to eat at a Thai restaurant (I don't really know why we picked that place). After having said goodbye to most of my friends, I went home around eleven in the evening, and three o'clock the next morning I got up to begin my trip back home to Sweden. After almost one week back home in Sweden, I miss Austria and I am looking forward to returning. Unfortunately a lot of friends have left the country, most probably to never return again. I will miss the Americans and Canadians! Fortunately, there are still many friends left and most importantly, Nicole will be there :).

Being home means many things. Mainly it is about catching up with family. Most friends are out of town or busy with their own lives (which is something I sympathize with). The holidays are here and I will try to get some rest. Thank you for following and Merry Christmas :).


Monday, December 21, 2009

Nicole, I miss you very very much!


Sunday, December 20, 2009

Back home

After a little more than three months, I am back in Sweden for a few weeks. The Christmas holidays are here and we are all taking a break from studying (oh well...) for some time with our families and friends.

In a larger perspective, three months is really nothing. I feel like these three months have been one months at the very most. I have dealt with many challenges this fall (and winter), and I am still battling many challenges (just like most normal people). Echoes from my past dare me to fight and I am haunted by nightmares. I don't want to make this sound as if I am going through something extraordinary, because this is how my life has been for some time now. I wake up almost every night, sweating and frightened by similar patterns and messages that I receive through my dreams. I don't know how long it will take for me to be rid of fear, disappointment and the anger that I am bearing, but I try to move on by embracing the good things in life.

Being home means no surprises, and that is a good thing I guess. You know what to expect and what to focus on. I always have a good feeling about returning home, but I must admit that I am feeling more and more tempted to try my wings elsewhere after my return to Sweden this summer. Right now I am not really looking forward to returning to Linköping for the concluding chapter of my studies. Being abroad has helped me a lot, despite the bad memories from last year and everything that happened back then. I see more and more friends from elementary- or high school settling down in the suburbs of Stockholm, some of them even with newborns in one hand. I cannot see myself anywhere near such life at the moment, it is something I want to avoid as things are right now.

It is Christmas times, meaning a lot of stress and expenses (I am very cynical today). It (could) mean being close to your loved ones and enjoying a very cozy and rewarding chapter of the year. Probably for the first time ever, I just want to be alone, in peace and without any pressure or disturbance. I have not told many friends about being back home, and that has nothing to do about my feelings for my friends. I have just had the toughest year in my life and I have been close to death on more than one occasion during this year. I need to find myself again. When I return to Sweden this summer, I want to have something to be happy about, because right now I am not sure I do.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Another Monday filled with clashes

2009-12-07

It's Monday afternoon and I had my last session in one course earlier today. The only thing left is a home exam due next week.

This course has been interesting in many ways. It has focused on cross cultural management and issues related to this subject. I am glad to finally be done with it (at least in terms of attendance). Despite its interesting content, it has been a difficult course to take due to several reasons. The most prominent are to the clash and confrontational demeanor that they invite the attendants to adopt. Each session felt like a heated debate regarding influx of refugees, the degree of emancipation around the world or immoral elements in foreign cultures (just to mention a few). Don't get me wrong, I think it is brilliant when a class or course can be something else than just monologues by the lecturer(s). I appraise the idea of different opinions and debating. But unfortunately, I have always had the feeling that the majority of the presumptions and debates in the classroom have been based on inaccurate and sometimes completely incorrect ideas of different cultures and mentalities.

This whole theme of the confrontation of cultures and ethnicities is something that I sense very strongly on a daily basis, and it is something that I have felt for some time now. I have the feeling that it is increasing, and it disappoints me. The general trends around Europe in this area are demoralizing and disappointing altogether. A lot of nations are turning more towards xenophobia, and I conclude that on the recent results in various elections around our continent.

A very schematic example of my observations is an article about the Swedish (originally Bosnian/Croat) football player Zlatan Ibrahimovic. Regarded by professionals and journalists as one of the best football players in the world right now. The content of this article is not interesting, but the commentators' field below the article is truly disappointing and disgusting in many ways. Xenophobic comments represent a significant fraction of all comments left by readers. These comments are directed towards the player himself but also fans of him that in many cases are presumed to hail from foreign cultures and countries.

Anyway, a few weeks ago I had a very unpleasant experience when an Austrian girl in this cross cultural course attacked me with insulting and outrageous questions/comments about my origin and my family! This asswipe is just one of many who despise anything that differs from the domestic and traditional values. Like I've said in previous posts, it has to do with fear fundamentally. Fear of being attacked or polluted by something unknown and alien.

This is not all of it (naturally). There are a lot of issues related to segregation as well. As a reason for people to become more segregating (and vote for right-wing extremists with hostile views one immigrants and foreigners). I won't go into that topic in this post, but it is clearly something that is current and disturbing.

I learned a lot during this course in cross cultural management. I really feel that I gained something from it, even though it still is not over. But I am also disappointed in how insular and narrow minded people tend to be. How unwilling many people seem to be about seeing things from other perspectives and not always assuming that one is right oneself.
I'm glad that I won't have to spend more hours in that classroom, discussing these things back and forth with people who only see things in black and white. But I am fully aware of the fact that these confrontations won't end with this class, it is probably something that I will have to live with for the rest of my life.

Thank you for reading.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

An Italian Town's White (No Foreigners) Christmas

2009-12-03

An Italian Town's White (No Foreigners) Christmas

A very interesting article that somehow mirrors the current development in many European countries.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

The sad story of our world as of today

2009-12-02
What is happening? Where are we going? Where do we draw the line? When are we going to understand that the world is not flat? When will we realize that the world actually is shrinking?

Different cultures and ethnicities are spread all over the world, some "righteously" situated, others not according to some people. The 20th century did hopefully teach mankind a few good lessons, and that is that xenophobia (and the escalation it ALWAYS leads to) and cold mental wars have no winners. Unfortunately we have still not learned a lesson. Generations of hate is driving Muslims and Jews in Israel and Palestine to hurt and kill each other. The polarization of east and west is constantly pushing the limits. Iran has a nuclear program (the purpose of it is in this post not of interest, jut the existence of it), and most of the rest of the world disapproves this program. A new cold war is being fought. An armed race is feared, similar to that of the 20th century. Did we really not learn anything from that?

The polarization of the world is certainly nothing that appeared as a result of Iran's nuclear program alone. Decades of conflicts and poor relations have resulted in it. The terrorist threat hasn't really helped in brokering peace. Truth is that illiterate and self righteous assholes created a demon depiction of Muslims around the world, claiming that their actions were justified by their God (which according to "true" Muslims is the same God that Christians pray to). The sad result of all of this is that your average Ali or Mohammad are victims of the relatively fresh phenomenon islamophobia. A lot of people in the west fear Muslims as if they were all dangerous. Their traits, their lifestyles and their culture(s) are feared and despised. They are not believed to belong in the western world.

I would just like to point out a few things before I am bashed for what I am saying here: I am neither religious nor in favor of any particular religion! In my world the coin always has two sides. The world is not exclusively black or white.

Over the years, I've experienced a lot of fear from neutral westerners when it comes to eastern cultures, eastern traditions and naturally eastern religions. This is something natural, a human instinct. Even I am suffering from it, and I am honest to admit it. However, the problem is that the fear is not one sided, a lot of eastern people fear the west, their cultures and religions. One of the most recent examples to that are a series of articles published by Newsweek related to the 20th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin wall. The articles and interviews were about the despite and fear that young Russians have today for the western influence in their country. Twenty years ago young Russians wanted to pull down the iron curtain and to westernize their country. Twenty years later they have had enough. An older parallel can be drawn to the Iranian revolution in 1979, which was a result of many different factors, but some of the most prominent were related to people's discontent (read fury) over Iran's dependence on the west culturally, socially and financially. One of Khomeini's (the leader of the Islamic revolution of Iran) slogans during the revolution was "We are not afraid of the threat of violence and weaponed assault, we are afraid of cultural dependence!". Earlier this year, a lot of people in Iran manifested their discontent (read fury once again) over Iran's Islamic rule, the same rule they wanted and revolted for 30 years ago.

Anyway, back to my main point. What I am trying to say is that it is wrong to see easterners (or whatever ethnicity/group one is despising/fearing) exclusively as something "misplaced" in the west, and to blame integration issues on them and only on them. It is wrong because integration is something that has to be done interactively, not by one entity alone. There is a reaction to every action. Those who want to pursue their lives in foreign countries, while fully embracing their native cultures (with limited adaptation to western lifestyles) are most probably doing so because they feel that whatever they do, they will never be accepted by the local populations. They do so because they cannot identify themselves with the values and traits of their country/culture of residence. It is not a crime, it is a burden. Much of this is happening subconsciously, because foreigners feel unsafe and threatened by western lifestyles and western culture. The problem is just that westerners are afraid simultaneously.

People (regardless of where they are on earth) that claim that certain foreign cultures or religions are misplaced in their countries are afraid deep down. Some of them consciously, like me, and some subconsciously. We mythologize and romanticize our own cultures, we believe that we are a little finer, a little better than the others. We do not want and cannot have others that deviate from us around us, because we are afraid that they might contaminate the purity of our own superior culture(s)/societies. We don't want it rubbed in our faces. We don not want to see their cultures and their religions in our beautiful and safe countries. Maybe, just maybe, we deep down don't want to see them at all.

World War II did maybe not teach us a true lesson after all.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Update from Linz

2009-11-30
It is the last day of November 2009, this year is slowly coming to an end. I have soon spent three months in Austria and I am feeling slightly homesick. The last weeks before the Christmas break usually means a lot of stress, exams, deadlines etc. Hopefully it will blow over soon.

Ever since I arrived here, I have had the opportunity to confront new cultures that I have interacted with. I have been forced to deal with my own prejudice and stereotyping, and I have been forced to lead others into dealing with theirs. I have been exposed to xenophobia in its purest form, to justify my right to exist and to live in "their" country - and I have had to prove to people that I am not a terrorist, nor in possession of highly enriched Uranium (or kryptonite as one moron believed). However, I have had positive experiences as well. I have had the chance to attend a prom in southern Austria, and I have seen locals fanatically enjoying the polka music while dancing to it. It was an interesting experience, far from anything I have ever seen before. To me it looked like as if dressed up people were wrestling to the tunes of circus music, but it was of course more than that ;).

After having seen Assyrian weddings (and danced their traditional dances), I feel that there are many similarities between these experiences. I remember that I felt the same (as an outsider, far away from home) when I attended my first (and until now only) Assyrian wedding.

In other words, I had a nice time while learning something new.

Anyway, despite my enhanced cultural sensitivity and anticipation, I still miss things from home (as well as despising things in my presence here). I am pretty disgusted by the absence of AC. I hate that the water temperature shifts when I am taking shower. I hate the cleaning lady. Today she (and her self righteous colleagues) managed to collectively cause more mess than usual. To make a long story short, they like moving stuff around (I fucking hate that!!!), and they have a strange predilection for putting dirty furniture/objects on my bed. This is called sadism. May they burn in hell!

I spent a couple of hours at the local IKEA store a few days ago. I took the chance to have some Swedish food while being there. It's nothing fancy, rather simple - but still brilliant.

I promised to post a "review" of my room soon, and I will, I promise. I just need to get a few tasks out of the way and then I can dedicate myself more into posting updates of my life in Austria.

Thank you for reading!

Monday, November 2, 2009

Euophoria and pride

Eleven years of waiting is finally over. AIK beat IFK Göteborg yesterday evening and I can not really put words on the massive happiness and joy that I feel. I will not try to draw any conclusions about the season that just passed because I can't, there is just too much and too many feelings at the same time. I need some distance to this in order to really understand what happened. I just want to point at a post from one year ago, written by me shortly after the appointment of Mikael Stahre. This is what I had to say then. This is what I want to say now: Micke, förlåt! I was wrong and I admit it! When I attended the first game of the season on April 5th earlier this year I could not imagine that this season would evolve into what it eventually did. November 1st 2009 is a day that I will never forget, and I still cannot believe that it is true.

I found some strong images from the game yesterday (courtesy of Magnus Neck).


 
 
 
 
 
 
Thank You!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Lessons learned

2009-10-22


Never again!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

A taste of Linz

2009-10-20

Post three following my return to the city of Linz.

First of all, like I might have mentioned in the first post following my return to Linz, I see that some improvements have been made to the city since last year. There are some things I would like to underline:
  • More cultural hotspots and arrangements. Since the city became the cultural capital of Europe 2009, it has become more "cultured" and less "alternative" so to speak. Linz is a heavy industrial city with a lot of concrete. Highly sophisticated Museums, buildings and improved technical solutions to the already existing infrastructure contributes to make the city less dull and more interesting.
  • The tram is now running round the clock on weekends, and that is a huge help when we go out. Less taxis (that might not even show up) and more environmental transportations impresses me.
  • The responsible people of the dorms and campus have realized the simplicity and smoothness of WLAN. Wireless Internet is a must in all western European cities. Period.
  • Like I mentioned yesterday, I see less people with festival outfits and more people with professional appearances. More of that please.
There are however still things that I dislike, regardless of where I might find these things I might add. The following things do not impress me at all:
  • Bad water. Linz is one of those cities where the water running out of the tap tastes bad. It makes the coffee taste like saltwater, it leaves unpleasant stains on surfaces and in pots, and last but certainly not least, it forces me to buy mineral water in order to not dry out. I consume about 9 liters per week.
  • The cleaninglady who is supposed to clean my apartment for me. She is an urban legend, I barely see her and hear her. And of course, I don't see any work being done in my apartment! I am paying for room service but all I get is someone who empties my trash three times a week. She doesn't even change the plastic in the bin, she just empties it in her cart, slams the door and disappears. Imagine how disgusting it is to use the one and same plastic bag in the bin for over a month.
    I have been thinking of buying my own mop in order to make things a little better, but if I do that she will probably never come back.
  • Stores (and other common places) that are closed on Sundays. Austrians are very catholic, and because of that they strongly believe that no work should be carried out on Sundays. I don't like that. 
  • The concept of air-conditioning  appears to never have reached the Austrian nation. In a country with one of the highest smoking rates in the world where smoking indoors, both in buildings but many times also in public transport takes place, it only makes it worse. Every country has flaws, and I would most probably nag about something else and bring it up here if I was still in Sweden, but this is beyond anything else. I find it difficult to breathe at some of my lectures. The lecture halls are spartan, the furniture and equipment that has been equipped there belongs to another century. Dust flies around by the least motion, causing endless coughing, sneezing and also creating health risks. What we breathe in will eventually end up in our lungs, and getting it out from there is quite some challenge.
    A Swedish lecture hall:



    A lecture hall in Linz:


That was all I had to say for this time. In my next post, I will thoroughly go through my apartment (with images of course) and grade the different features. Thank you for reading.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Good morning

2009-10-12

I give up, it's 05:34 and I haven't been able to sleep at all since I went to bed sometime before midnight. This is going to be a nasty day.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Back in business

2009-10-06

Almost one month has passed since the last post and a lot of things have happened since then (as you might have guessed already). The most obvious and also most significant reason is that I have (temporarily) moved to another country (once again). I am back in Austria and I have spent the last three-four weeks to set up my new life here. My classes have begun and I am currently taking both Italian and French classes (again). The challenge now is that the courses are being held in German, and it is quite some task to understand what the lecturers are saying.
The parties are continuously taking over from one-another, the beer is cheap :D, the pubs are cozy, the weekly (sometimes daily!) football games are played with a great sense of passion and friendship and the exchange students from all over the world contribute to make this place interesting and challenging in a positive way.

Some differences have taken place since last year. The most obvious one seems to be that the Austrians have attended fashion schools, they all look much better than how I remember them, and I have seen less boys and girls in lifeless pink hairstyles, too tight and outworn jeans topped with turquoise fleece-jackets. I saw a representative from Amnesty International on my way home from campus today, and she was really struggling to attract the attention of me and my American friend Lauren, but Lauren declined abruptly by saying that she might have paid more attention to her offer if she didn't look like a gypsy. Harsh perhaps, but brutally honest at the same time.
They still seem to have a great passion for piercings, cigarettes and weed though, but I guess I can live with that. So here's the things I've seen (that are perhaps worth sharing):

The stadium of Linz where L.A.S.K (what a stupid name) plays. 


The botanic garden of Linz.





The beautiful towns/villages Hallstatt and Gmunden (Gmunden, hahaha).












The fantastic annual Oktoberfest in Munich.



Even though I have been here for more than three weeks already, I'm still trying to keep myself updated on what is happening back home. Even though I miss it sometimes and I remember many beautiful and warm things from home, I still believe that I have made the right thing. I'm back in action, one year older, a few kilos heavier and generations wiser!

Thank you for reading.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Time for take-off

The day and moment I have been waiting for since December 13th last year. It's time for me to return to the life I abruptly had to leave nine months ago.

I am arriving to a place I have been in before. Not many surprises in other words. I am traveling alone this time, but someone is waiting for me there already.

I keep having flashbacks from this day last year, and I can't help to feel a little nostalgic and sentimental. Still, it's been 12 months since that day and a lot of things have changed. I hope I am free from the cause of all this now, and that I can enjoy this time to the maximum. I'll do my best!

Next update will be from Austria. It's time to leave.
Nu jävlar kör vi!!

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Last Saturday for a while

This is the last Saturday in Sweden for me for a while. I took a walk around my house, sat by the water and walked through the forest - and it struck me how much I will miss this place.




Sunday, August 23, 2009

Freedom of what?

Not too long ago a lot of people were asking themselves why a Danish caricature of the prophet Mohammed stirred up such controversy around the world. Muslims around the world demanded apologies and public distancing from theses images, and people in the western world condemned such actions - seeing that as an insult to the principals of freedom of speech. Now the sovereign state of Israel demands the Swedish government to condemn an article. People are quiet and I can't hear anyone condemning such behavior, rallying for freedom of speech. And no, I'm neither a Muslim nor an opponent to Israel and the Jewish religion!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Tuesday evening in the sunny rain

Sunset, a beautiful view and peace. I never though this combination did me so good, but is something I learned to know this summer. Now that the days are shorter, the temperatures have fallen and the rain keeps pouring down, I already miss the warm and beautiful summer nights.


It's Tuesday evening and my departure to Austria is slowly approaching. I am optimistic and hopeful to have a good experience, and I also hope that I won't be unfairly treated again. Most of all I hope that I'll be rid of all feelings of confusion and disillusion. It's not inspiring in any way and it is constantly energy consuming source.

My work is slowly being rounded off and it is time to report the results of almost four months of working. It feels good and I am very happy about having the opportunity to start working earlier this year, following everything else that had happened. It really helped me in my recovering and it saved me from a mental breakdown. It felt great in the beginning to have something to do during the days and it still feels great. After months of inactivity and isolation it was wonderful to be "useful" again.

Thank you for reading.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Booooring Sunday

I'm watching PSV Einhoven vs Ajax Amsterdam on TV. It's Sunday and it is once again very cold outside. It's Sunday and once again a day with feelings of disillusion and confusion. I still can't let it go - uni starts tomorrow. I'm already tired of seeing all the status updates on facebook and the twittering on this subject.

This has been a very short summer. There has not been many opportunities to see friends on a regular basis. Everybody is busy with their own lives, obligations and relations. A very clear message and sign is that this is a new phase in life. This is one of the most obvious proofs that I and the people around me now are adults. I saw on facebook that two of my old classmates from middleschool are pregnant, and there are already several others from my old class that are parents today, at the age of 21-22. Good or bad, this is the truth. I can honestly not see myself somewhere near a life like that for the coming years. There are so many things I want to experience before those kinds of things and before heavier commitments in life. That's just the way I am.

This lost year feels so wasted in some strange way, although there has been a lot of learning for me during this time. No doubt. But still it is always some source of disappointment and frustration in the middle of all of this, something that annoys me deep down inside. Annoying but there's not much to do about it.

The game just ended. PSV won 4 goals to 3.

Friday, August 14, 2009

A Friday without any action

A colleague of mine asked me why bloggers existed. He told me that he regarded the whole blog cult as something stupid and that it was a pure waste of time, both to have one but also to read one. If I had the same view on this topic I wouldn't have had this one up for almost three and a half years, but I have to agree with him when it comes to some issues about blogging. There's too much shit and subjective thinking (for no good reason) uploaded. That's naturally the whole idea with blogging, that each and every one should have a voice in cyberspace. And of course there are both one and two (and even more) exceptions of "good" blogs. At least I know that most of my readers resent one of my biggest passions (and one of the most frequent topics on this blog: Football!). I can't help to laugh at that :).

It's Friday night, it's raining and I have a horrible headache. I feel sick and I had to cancel some plans that I had made with a friend tonight. I can hear the rain drumming on my window and the sky has a strange and boring color. The wind blows through the small opening from the window, and it chills the room down. Not long ago I was sweating from the heat. I think autumn is here now, and I think I have missed it without knowing it myself.

On Monday uni starts again in Linköping, and I believe that most of the people that I said goodbye to a little more than one year ago now are back in town for the fourth (and last) full academic year in Linköping. I feel very sad that I can't be there with them to begin the last phase of my studies. I feel sad because I know that I did not have long left (and I guess I still don't). On the other hand I am looking forward to going back to Austria because it has been something that I felt that I had to do for myself, both in terms of experiences but also because it was important to me to be with my girlfriend again. I did not have to return to Austria, it was my own decision.

While I feel weird about not returning to Linköping this weekend, I almost feel sad (already) about the fact that I'm "only" staying one year in Austria (once again twisted thinking). I see challenges as something stimulating normally, but for the moment I just feel reserved and slightly worried. I don't know what to expect of life after one year in Austria (and a continuing life + relationship in Linköping in one year from now). It's strange how one can be sad and worried about something that hasn't happened yet, but it tells me something. It tells me to appreciate the opportunity that is approaching me now. It tells me to enjoy it as much as possible, because one can never be sure how long things in life will last. My recent experiences have taught me that very well.

Aside from that, I guess things are going OK at the moment. I've been worse so to speak.
And I have felt how much my life has changed during the last three years. I feel how I have changed as a person as well. When I look back two years in time, I would never want to change it to how I have it today, and I think this is the first time that I've felt like this about life. I'm usually the nostalgic type who looks back, remembers and misses the past. Not anymore, and a lot of it has to do with the wonderful people I have met during the last year. Even though I have had a living hell with my disease and other misfortunes, I still dare to say that it's better now than it was then. When I look back at friendships that existed and that don't today, I feel some kind of satisfaction - the bad relations are now gone and replaced with fewer ones - those that really mean something. People I used to sacrifice a lot for are now out of the picture, and I intend to keep it that way.

So, I miss my old life and at the same time I don't! I miss my old friends and at the same time I don't! I don't know how my life will look like in one year. All I know is that it will feel very empty. It will feel very difficult and it will be a challenge, just like everything else has been a challenge the last few years. The outcome of all these things are impossible to predict, but I am hopeful to not feel any emptiness in one year from now. I am hopeful that I will return to Linköping with strength and inspiration to finish my "cathedral" (as my rector so beautifully put it). I am hopeful that I won't be lonely. I hope that I can look back at this year as the best year of my life.

It has stopped raining now.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Ten months

2009-08-04

Thank You for ten beautiful months! During these ten months I have faced the toughest challenges and period in my life, but at the same time I have been the luckiest guy on earth, all because of You! There is so much I would like to write and tell, but I will keep it short and sweet. I love You, and I have had the pleasure to "spend" ten wonderful months with You!


Furthermore I would like to publish the following:
  • Söderstadion could be the most pathetic stadium I have ever seen, equal to Bårsta IP during its prime time. BUT, the atmosphere and the pressure that the supporters created was strong and mighty. Hammarby deserves a new arena.


  • The stewards at Söderstadion should all apply for jobs at FBI or CIA. Their security- and safety regulations are more complex than those of the John F. Kennedy International Airport. The asswipes forced me to leave my umbrella in a tree outside the stadium and they forced my brother to drop his bottle of Fanta. I asked the motherless idiot how a 9 year old could pose a threat to the pitch and safety with a plastic bottle, considering that there was a significant distance from our seats down to the pitch (which at the same time was protected with high nets in order to prevent footballs and other objects from flying back and forth). The idiot had no answer to that question. This could be the last time I attended a game at Söderstadion. No big loss in my opinion :).
  • Djurgården lost again last night. Next year their opponents will be Falkenberg, Syrianska and Qviding!


  • AIK is playing poorly but still winning and preventing any conceding goals. I saw the victory agains GAIS a week ago and it was sweet!


  • I hate the retards on the trains that play music from their cellphones. This is a new phenomenon and did not exist a couple of years ago. Now they're everywhere. They are loud, they pathetic and they are nine times out of ten not even 20 yet. Stupid hairstyles, stupid beards and stupid clothes. Their stupidity makes me want to cry. Enough of Lil Wayne on the trains, cut your hair and get a fucking job!!! Grow the fuck up! Gaaaaaaaah!
  • August is already here, and this summer is slowly coming to an end. I have a little more than five weeks left in Sweden before a new adventure starts. I have been counting the days and weeks for some time now, and I'm glad to be heading back again. I never got a chance to finish what I started over there, and I never got a chance to live side by side with my Nicole. That's something I will fulfill!
That's all for now, thank you for reading. Keep stopping by!