Thursday, December 31, 2009

2009, the epitaph

Exit: Anno 2009
Enter: Anno 2010

It's difficult to fall asleep. It's time to start a new year with the ambition to make it the very best ever. I've just experienced the toughest year in my life, now it's time to put it behind me and move on. There are many good things that I take with me in to the new year, and it feels good!



Happy New Year.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Christmas Day (or maybe Christmas Night)


Christmas day 2009 is already here. This date represents a lot of partying to me, because the Christmas day parties are known to be crowded, wild and eagerly anticipated. This year I feel no urge whatsoever to attend the different night clubs downtown for the annual "homecoming" party. Last year I was in no physical or
mental condition to go out, but this year I still don't want to despite being healthy. Nothing is tempting me to do it anymore. I'm not really keen on seeing the people that occupy the scene(s) in this city, it feels like a massive waste of time. It would be nice to catch up with a couple of old friends, but it would not be a good idea to do it tonight.

The days are beautiful and the snow is covering most of the things I can see. It feels like winter and Christmas. The sun peeks occasionally, and the sky looks more blue than ever. One thing I appreciate enormously with Austria is that the Christmas decorations and marketing campaigns begin IN TIME and not three months ahead. You don't hear Christmas carols in October, you don't see Christmas trees in November and you are not heaped by the whole concept of Christmas until its rightful time!


So, it's Christmas day and I have to admit that it is lame - nothing is really happening over here. It's OK. I can't really say that I'm bothered about it. It's been a tough year and I appreciate the peace I am experiencing right now. It doesn't have to be flashy and glamorous, as long as it is genuine and real.




Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Merry Christmas

It's one day left till Christmas eve and the snow has covered the surroundings just as it should this time of the year. It's beautiful and it is original.

The past few weeks have been hectic and I have experienced many nice things. Not long ago I attended "Broker's Festival", a party organized by (from what I have been told) a conservative (and pretty right oriented...) youth organization in Austria - Austro Danubia.


This party was unique. The prices in the bars were adjusted after the supply and demand. Several projectors were constantly showing graphs and prices throughout the whole evening. It was a very interesting experience and I had the luck to attend the party with good company!




This party was arranged the last weekend before the Christmas holidays. A lot of people went on a ski trip the next morning and after that it was pretty much time for departure for most of us. We had one more "Stammtisch", the Asian one, and the night after that we all went out to eat at a Thai restaurant (I don't really know why we picked that place). After having said goodbye to most of my friends, I went home around eleven in the evening, and three o'clock the next morning I got up to begin my trip back home to Sweden. After almost one week back home in Sweden, I miss Austria and I am looking forward to returning. Unfortunately a lot of friends have left the country, most probably to never return again. I will miss the Americans and Canadians! Fortunately, there are still many friends left and most importantly, Nicole will be there :).

Being home means many things. Mainly it is about catching up with family. Most friends are out of town or busy with their own lives (which is something I sympathize with). The holidays are here and I will try to get some rest. Thank you for following and Merry Christmas :).


Monday, December 21, 2009

Nicole, I miss you very very much!


Sunday, December 20, 2009

Back home

After a little more than three months, I am back in Sweden for a few weeks. The Christmas holidays are here and we are all taking a break from studying (oh well...) for some time with our families and friends.

In a larger perspective, three months is really nothing. I feel like these three months have been one months at the very most. I have dealt with many challenges this fall (and winter), and I am still battling many challenges (just like most normal people). Echoes from my past dare me to fight and I am haunted by nightmares. I don't want to make this sound as if I am going through something extraordinary, because this is how my life has been for some time now. I wake up almost every night, sweating and frightened by similar patterns and messages that I receive through my dreams. I don't know how long it will take for me to be rid of fear, disappointment and the anger that I am bearing, but I try to move on by embracing the good things in life.

Being home means no surprises, and that is a good thing I guess. You know what to expect and what to focus on. I always have a good feeling about returning home, but I must admit that I am feeling more and more tempted to try my wings elsewhere after my return to Sweden this summer. Right now I am not really looking forward to returning to Linköping for the concluding chapter of my studies. Being abroad has helped me a lot, despite the bad memories from last year and everything that happened back then. I see more and more friends from elementary- or high school settling down in the suburbs of Stockholm, some of them even with newborns in one hand. I cannot see myself anywhere near such life at the moment, it is something I want to avoid as things are right now.

It is Christmas times, meaning a lot of stress and expenses (I am very cynical today). It (could) mean being close to your loved ones and enjoying a very cozy and rewarding chapter of the year. Probably for the first time ever, I just want to be alone, in peace and without any pressure or disturbance. I have not told many friends about being back home, and that has nothing to do about my feelings for my friends. I have just had the toughest year in my life and I have been close to death on more than one occasion during this year. I need to find myself again. When I return to Sweden this summer, I want to have something to be happy about, because right now I am not sure I do.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Another Monday filled with clashes

2009-12-07

It's Monday afternoon and I had my last session in one course earlier today. The only thing left is a home exam due next week.

This course has been interesting in many ways. It has focused on cross cultural management and issues related to this subject. I am glad to finally be done with it (at least in terms of attendance). Despite its interesting content, it has been a difficult course to take due to several reasons. The most prominent are to the clash and confrontational demeanor that they invite the attendants to adopt. Each session felt like a heated debate regarding influx of refugees, the degree of emancipation around the world or immoral elements in foreign cultures (just to mention a few). Don't get me wrong, I think it is brilliant when a class or course can be something else than just monologues by the lecturer(s). I appraise the idea of different opinions and debating. But unfortunately, I have always had the feeling that the majority of the presumptions and debates in the classroom have been based on inaccurate and sometimes completely incorrect ideas of different cultures and mentalities.

This whole theme of the confrontation of cultures and ethnicities is something that I sense very strongly on a daily basis, and it is something that I have felt for some time now. I have the feeling that it is increasing, and it disappoints me. The general trends around Europe in this area are demoralizing and disappointing altogether. A lot of nations are turning more towards xenophobia, and I conclude that on the recent results in various elections around our continent.

A very schematic example of my observations is an article about the Swedish (originally Bosnian/Croat) football player Zlatan Ibrahimovic. Regarded by professionals and journalists as one of the best football players in the world right now. The content of this article is not interesting, but the commentators' field below the article is truly disappointing and disgusting in many ways. Xenophobic comments represent a significant fraction of all comments left by readers. These comments are directed towards the player himself but also fans of him that in many cases are presumed to hail from foreign cultures and countries.

Anyway, a few weeks ago I had a very unpleasant experience when an Austrian girl in this cross cultural course attacked me with insulting and outrageous questions/comments about my origin and my family! This asswipe is just one of many who despise anything that differs from the domestic and traditional values. Like I've said in previous posts, it has to do with fear fundamentally. Fear of being attacked or polluted by something unknown and alien.

This is not all of it (naturally). There are a lot of issues related to segregation as well. As a reason for people to become more segregating (and vote for right-wing extremists with hostile views one immigrants and foreigners). I won't go into that topic in this post, but it is clearly something that is current and disturbing.

I learned a lot during this course in cross cultural management. I really feel that I gained something from it, even though it still is not over. But I am also disappointed in how insular and narrow minded people tend to be. How unwilling many people seem to be about seeing things from other perspectives and not always assuming that one is right oneself.
I'm glad that I won't have to spend more hours in that classroom, discussing these things back and forth with people who only see things in black and white. But I am fully aware of the fact that these confrontations won't end with this class, it is probably something that I will have to live with for the rest of my life.

Thank you for reading.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

An Italian Town's White (No Foreigners) Christmas

2009-12-03

An Italian Town's White (No Foreigners) Christmas

A very interesting article that somehow mirrors the current development in many European countries.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

The sad story of our world as of today

2009-12-02
What is happening? Where are we going? Where do we draw the line? When are we going to understand that the world is not flat? When will we realize that the world actually is shrinking?

Different cultures and ethnicities are spread all over the world, some "righteously" situated, others not according to some people. The 20th century did hopefully teach mankind a few good lessons, and that is that xenophobia (and the escalation it ALWAYS leads to) and cold mental wars have no winners. Unfortunately we have still not learned a lesson. Generations of hate is driving Muslims and Jews in Israel and Palestine to hurt and kill each other. The polarization of east and west is constantly pushing the limits. Iran has a nuclear program (the purpose of it is in this post not of interest, jut the existence of it), and most of the rest of the world disapproves this program. A new cold war is being fought. An armed race is feared, similar to that of the 20th century. Did we really not learn anything from that?

The polarization of the world is certainly nothing that appeared as a result of Iran's nuclear program alone. Decades of conflicts and poor relations have resulted in it. The terrorist threat hasn't really helped in brokering peace. Truth is that illiterate and self righteous assholes created a demon depiction of Muslims around the world, claiming that their actions were justified by their God (which according to "true" Muslims is the same God that Christians pray to). The sad result of all of this is that your average Ali or Mohammad are victims of the relatively fresh phenomenon islamophobia. A lot of people in the west fear Muslims as if they were all dangerous. Their traits, their lifestyles and their culture(s) are feared and despised. They are not believed to belong in the western world.

I would just like to point out a few things before I am bashed for what I am saying here: I am neither religious nor in favor of any particular religion! In my world the coin always has two sides. The world is not exclusively black or white.

Over the years, I've experienced a lot of fear from neutral westerners when it comes to eastern cultures, eastern traditions and naturally eastern religions. This is something natural, a human instinct. Even I am suffering from it, and I am honest to admit it. However, the problem is that the fear is not one sided, a lot of eastern people fear the west, their cultures and religions. One of the most recent examples to that are a series of articles published by Newsweek related to the 20th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin wall. The articles and interviews were about the despite and fear that young Russians have today for the western influence in their country. Twenty years ago young Russians wanted to pull down the iron curtain and to westernize their country. Twenty years later they have had enough. An older parallel can be drawn to the Iranian revolution in 1979, which was a result of many different factors, but some of the most prominent were related to people's discontent (read fury) over Iran's dependence on the west culturally, socially and financially. One of Khomeini's (the leader of the Islamic revolution of Iran) slogans during the revolution was "We are not afraid of the threat of violence and weaponed assault, we are afraid of cultural dependence!". Earlier this year, a lot of people in Iran manifested their discontent (read fury once again) over Iran's Islamic rule, the same rule they wanted and revolted for 30 years ago.

Anyway, back to my main point. What I am trying to say is that it is wrong to see easterners (or whatever ethnicity/group one is despising/fearing) exclusively as something "misplaced" in the west, and to blame integration issues on them and only on them. It is wrong because integration is something that has to be done interactively, not by one entity alone. There is a reaction to every action. Those who want to pursue their lives in foreign countries, while fully embracing their native cultures (with limited adaptation to western lifestyles) are most probably doing so because they feel that whatever they do, they will never be accepted by the local populations. They do so because they cannot identify themselves with the values and traits of their country/culture of residence. It is not a crime, it is a burden. Much of this is happening subconsciously, because foreigners feel unsafe and threatened by western lifestyles and western culture. The problem is just that westerners are afraid simultaneously.

People (regardless of where they are on earth) that claim that certain foreign cultures or religions are misplaced in their countries are afraid deep down. Some of them consciously, like me, and some subconsciously. We mythologize and romanticize our own cultures, we believe that we are a little finer, a little better than the others. We do not want and cannot have others that deviate from us around us, because we are afraid that they might contaminate the purity of our own superior culture(s)/societies. We don't want it rubbed in our faces. We don not want to see their cultures and their religions in our beautiful and safe countries. Maybe, just maybe, we deep down don't want to see them at all.

World War II did maybe not teach us a true lesson after all.